I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
