I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
