Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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