This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
