singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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