sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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