I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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