I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
