I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
