i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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