you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
