I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
