watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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