you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
