Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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