Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
