He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
