he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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