They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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