Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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