Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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