dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
