I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
