so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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