i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
