You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
only if we run a train.
done.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
