I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
