just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
