We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
