Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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