would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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