is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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