why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
