I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
