There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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