Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My life is pants optional.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
