try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
