I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
