I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
