so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He shit in the fireplace
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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