Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My pussy is not your playground.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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