At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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