i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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