the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
