it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
