i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
