people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
