My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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