Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
