i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
