If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
