cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
