you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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