My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
