I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
