I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
