We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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