First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Couch. On fire.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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