my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
