I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
