Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
