it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
