sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
