I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My pussy is not your playground.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
