Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
