We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
