Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wow word travels fast.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?