I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
