If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.