Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.