he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)