I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol