My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.